Sam Morris (00:02.904)
you ever wondered why you keep getting into the same kinds of relationships, you know the ones where you end up being hurt, manipulated, exhausted from keep having to try. The ones where you feel like you lose a piece of yourself.
And that is exactly what today's episode is all about. Hi, if you don't know me, I'm Sam Morris. I'm an empowered dating and healthy relationships coach who's been helping people heal from their past relationships for the past 10 years. If you are someone who constantly questions themselves about your relationship choices, about who you're picking, the decisions that you make,
then this episode is for you. The truth is that you have always had your intuition. You were born with it. You already know at your core who is right and who is wrong for you. You were born with that. The problem is that most single people
The problem that most single people have is that they've been hurt so many times before, maybe even from childhood and their inner self, their subconscious, their nervous system is scarred. And each time we experience emotional pain, it creates a wound within us. Not one that we can see, but it's still there.
all the same.
Sam Morris (01:56.674)
And instead of our inner self, our subconscious saying, no, I must never experience that again, like the logical side of your brain might be saying that, but your subconscious isn't. Your nervous system isn't. Your nervous system actually believes that those experiences...
things that feel, sound and look familiar are safe.
And that's why people tend to have a tight.
a type of person they're attracted to. It's all our subconscious tricking us into thinking that someone is safe. And it's really funny because I used to have a type. My type was skinny, blonde hair, blue eyed men. Or boys, when I was dating as a teenager. And if you looked back in my dating history, every single person I've ever dated had blonde hair.
and blue eyes.
Sam Morris (03:03.31)
And the funny thing is, if any of you have heard my story about how I healed my nervous system and then my husband literally walked into my life, and if you've seen a picture of him, which anyone that's been on any of my masterclasses will have seen and know that he is included in the images, you will know that Alan is the complete opposite of my type.
He's muscly, he's got big shoulders, his hair was black when I met him and his eyes are brown. And the biggest thing that makes him completely different from what I thought was my type was the way that he treats me. The way that he treats me as though I am the most important thing. And we are in a partnership. So my type was not just limited.
to the way that people look. was limited, like it was also the way that people treated me. And what was happening before, before I healed all of this, was my subconscious was saying to me that all these blonde hair, blue eyes men were safe to me. And it's quite ironic because things happened to me as a child and...
one of the people that did something to me had blonde hair and blue eyes and so it's not lost on me.
Sam Morris (04:39.17)
that I would subconsciously go after that. When actually all of those people treated me very badly.
Sam Morris (04:50.284)
And if you have had the same problem that I had and you've been feeling confused as to why all the relationships you've had were with the same person just with a different face, I hope this helps with your understanding of it. It's not that you are stupid. It's not that you are foolish. It's not that you fell for it again. It's your nervous system mistakenly thinking familiar things, people,
actions, even words, are safe for you even when your logical side of your brain and your intuition would both be screaming, absolutely not.
So when you are meeting someone new, your nervous system is louder than your logic. It's louder than your intuition and it drowns the noise out from your intuition and the logic. And this should also explain to you why if you meet someone who seems really nice, you might shy away from them or you might say, there was no spark. There was no initial spark or that you thought they were boring.
because your nervous system is used to chaos. So those people your nervous system thinks are unsafe when actually logically they are nice people.
So the easiest and fastest way to finding the love that you want, that safe, secure, aligned love is through rewiring that nervous system in the same way that you would rewire a car. Do an assessment, find the problem, use the tools that you need to fix it. So today I'm going to give you a small step.
Sam Morris (06:49.122)
And I've been doing this with my one-to-ones this week to rewire the nervous system. You need to first realize what the problem is. Do an assessment of yourself. Anything that your nervous system thinks is safe is based on a belief. A belief that you created in response to a situation or an experience. You see, we all have to find a meaning for something.
If something bad happens, we have to find a meaning for it. That's just how our brain works. And unfortunately, instead of us saying that the meaning is because that person is not a nice person.
we create a meaning of ourselves.
and that becomes a belief about ourself and those beliefs shape the way that we act.
the way that we behave.
Sam Morris (07:49.622)
And if you've ever found yourself thinking, why did I put up with that? Or why did I not see it sooner? That will be based on a belief that you already have that was a response to a previous situation or experience. So let's just start with a small step and we cover more of this within my programme and within my one-to-one sessions. So I want you...
to take a few moments to quieten your mind. I'm going in a moment to ask you to breathe in for five seconds, hold your breath for six seconds, and then breathe out for seven seconds. And we're gonna do it three times. I want you to close your eyes if you can. Take a big, deep breath in for...
2, 3, 4, 5, hold. 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and breathe out. 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Let's do it again. Breathe in. 2, 3, 4, 5, hold. 2, 3,
four, five, six, out, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Last time, in, two, three, four, five, hold, two, three, four, five, six, and out, two, three, four, five.
six, seven. Keep breathing in and out like that. We are just letting our nervous system know that we are safe and the breath is the easiest way to do that. Now, I'd like you to think about your very first memory of getting hurt. It could be your first boyfriend or girlfriend. It could be a parent.
Sam Morris (10:17.686)
what comes up for you straight away in your head and keep that picture within your head. Normally the first thing that enters our head is the truth. We don't manage to find a reason to make it not the truth until after that. And now I want you to ask yourself, what does this experience, this situation mean about you?
If you've got a pen and paper, write it down. If not, that's okay, just sit with it. You will have created some form of meaning about this situation. Maybe it was that you deserve to be treated a certain way. Maybe you started to believe you are unlovable. Maybe you started to believe that you just expected too much.
What has this situation or experience?
meant about you.
Sam Morris (11:25.388)
Write it down, type it into your notes app on your phone.
Sam Morris (11:37.25)
I want you to pause me to go through this and really sit with this for at least two minutes.
Sam Morris (11:51.512)
And then I want you to start asking yourself why.
Look at your belief and ask why do you think that? What evidence is there that this is true? Do other people think this about you?
Sam Morris (12:14.83)
I'd like you to keep asking yourself why for each answer that you come up with, ask yourself why, where's the evidence? Over and over and over again until you literally can't ask why anymore.
Pause me and do that.
And then once you are at the point where you might even be laughing at yourself because you realise that you've created a belief that wasn't real.
It was just based on the way that somebody else treated you. When you've got to that point, I want you to release it. I want you to say out loud, whatever the belief is, it no longer serves me.
Sam Morris (13:14.136)
This is such a simple step into realising why you keep getting into the same relationship cycles. Cycles that leave you feeling hurt, frustrated, heartbroken and doubting yourself. Doubting your ability to pick the right people.
because your nervous system hasn't healed from it. Not yet, anyway. And the reason I love my one-to-one sessions is because each individual's healing process is slightly different. The tools I've been using with one of my one-to-one clients don't work for one of my other one-to-ones clients and vice versa.
Sam Morris (13:59.968)
So I just want you to sit with that and work out what that belief is so that then we can work out what tools you need to fix it. Because you wouldn't run a marathon with a broken leg, would you? So why do we all start dating, try and find a relationship with a broken heart, with a hurt nervous system?
And that was one simple step that you can follow to try and assess what is happening for you, what that belief system is, what you have created within you, why you think that your intuition is broken.
Sam Morris (14:52.746)
It's not that your intuition is broken, it's just that your nervous system is trying to keep you safe and your nervous system shouts louder. Healing the nervous system is the fastest and simplest way to find real, aligned, healthy love. And if that's what you want, I'd love to support you in your transformation. And I currently have an offer on my one-to-ones for three people only. I've only got three spots.
I will put the link below. You aren't stuck. You aren't a tree. You can move and just imagine what else you could achieve in your life if your past experiences no longer hold you back. I'm not just talking about love. I'm talking about work, friendships, family, doing that hobby that you've always been scared to do.
That's what happens when you heal your nervous system.
Sam Morris (15:59.274)
I'm Sam Morris, thank you for listening and I will speak to you very soon. Goodbye.
