Sam Morris (00:05.922)
So many people talk about how they never felt appreciated in a relationship. And if that's you...
Sam Morris (00:26.264)
then this episode will show you exactly how to create your own appreciation without ever relying on someone else and to discover exactly how your next relationship doesn't have to be the same. Hey, I'm Sam Morris. I'm an empowered dating, healthy relationship and sex coach. And I have been teaching people how to find
and be in a healthy relationship since 2016. In today's episode, I want to talk to you about appreciation.
Sam Morris (01:16.194)
So many of my clients come to me and they say they didn't feel appreciated by their ex-partner. And this is especially common when you've been through what I call a healthy, an unhealthy relationship. If you're single, you're probably sat there wondering why is Sam doing a podcast all about appreciation?
when I'm not even in a relationship to be appreciated. Well, my friend, I'll tell you exactly why. If you know anything about me and the work that I do, you will know that I teach from three core premises. And without these three, it's near impossible to have and be in a healthy relationship. And that is self-love, healing from the past and what a healthy relationship looks, sounds and feels like for you.
Sam Morris (02:31.906)
Think about it. Even if you have the skills for a relationship, you know how to have a disagreement without it turning into a screaming match, if you don't love yourself enough to be assertive, to put your views forward in the first place, then it doesn't really matter.
if you know about healthy relationships.
Sam Morris (03:05.313)
because it's never going to work. Or even if you have healed from your past traumas, and we've all got them, if you never learned what the beginning stages of manipulation are, then you'll end up getting into the same cycles of relationships, getting hurt again, and having to go through the whole healing process all over again. So today, I'm going to show you
little part of step one and I teach more of this in my programs you see you don't need to rely on other people to feel appreciated when you have the power to do this all by yourself
Sam Morris (04:00.096)
But first, we need to know how we feel appreciated. And this will be individual to you. It's super, super key for any future relationship because once you know how you feel appreciated, you can actually communicate that to your significant other.
Sam Morris (04:40.514)
And so there are three main types, visual, auditory and kinesthetic. So I just want you to take a big deep breath and try to picture the last time you felt loved. This could be by a parent, it could be your child, an ex, a friend, a sibling. And then ask yourself how you knew that it was love. And just notice what is coming up for you.
Sam Morris (05:18.528)
If it was because they always told you that they loved you.
then you are probably an auditory person. If it was because they brought you gifts, flowers, wrote you letters or notes, then you are probably a visual person. Or if it was because they physically touched you, hugs, kisses, holding hands, then you are probably a kinesthetic person. Try and make a note of
what type you are as this will help you in any future relationships not just romantic ones work wise and everything
Think about how amazing it would be to tell your new boss, this is how I feel appreciated so if you want to say well done, this is how I like it.
Now you've got your baseline. And if you are struggling with this one, think about three people who have positively influenced your life and just ask yourself what they did to make you feel that way. Please pause me if you really need to think about this.
Sam Morris (06:47.308)
because there will be certain actions, certain things that they did that made you feel that way and you just need to pinpoint exactly what they are.
Sam Morris (07:01.93)
Now that you know your type, your task is to start to make a tick list. A tick list of appreciation that you will do for yourself every single day, at least twice per day.
I want you to set a reminder for yourself, maybe on your phone, have the tick list visible for you to see, maybe on your fridge, somewhere that you're always going to go, and you are going to take control about how you feel about yourself.
Sam Morris (07:44.91)
so that when you do find a relationship, you aren't relying on that person to make you feel good because you already have that skill.
Sam Morris (07:59.982)
A lot of the work that I do within my one-to-ones is around over reliance on another human to control our emotions and the way we feel about ourselves. And I would always give my clients homework and most of it is related to this work. It's working on the way my clients feel about themselves.
and it does naturally start to heal the nervous system because it starts the rewiring process.
and my purpose is to keep them accountable.
Sam Morris (08:43.628)
because it's so easy to say, I'm going to make changes, I'm going to start loving myself, and then fall off because it's effort, and effort is harder.
Sam Morris (09:01.922)
You know, it is much easier to sit on your sofa than get up and exercise. That is easier.
Sam Morris (09:13.464)
But when you've got someone keeping you accountable, it's a lot harder to fall off because you know I'm going to ask you whether you did your homework and my clients know so they make sure that they do it.
Sam Morris (09:29.378)
And I think if you don't have someone keeping you accountable, go and find someone. Like it doesn't have to be me. It can be anyone. But make sure you are staying accountable. Because that is what makes you take action. Even when you don't want to. Even when you get tired. Even when you've had enough. If you know someone is going to ask you whether you've done the thing that you said you were gonna do, you will absolutely make sure that you do it.
That is why people lose so much weight when they have a personal trainer because they know their PT is expecting results from them. So when they are actively involved with a personal trainer, if they even think about having a chocolate donut, they think, I'm going to have to tell my PT about that and they're not going to be happy. So maybe I just want to have the chocolate donut.
accountable and get someone to do that for you.
Sam Morris (10:41.518)
So now you know your type. I want you to start taking the steps. So if you are a visual person, maybe start writing yourself little notes about how great you are. Maybe if you did something good at work, write a note about it. If you worked out extra hard, write a note about it saying, well done. Think of things that you do that other people can't do.
So for me, I am not the greatest of cooks. Alan cooks most of our meals for that reason.
Sam Morris (11:24.334)
So when I do make a good meal, a meal that tastes great, I make a point of telling myself how good it was. And you could even go one step further, buy yourself a gift of appreciation. So one of my clients, when we were working through this activity, she said she really loved to receive flowers. And so I asked her why she needed to rely on someone else to buy her flowers.
Hugh Miley Cyrus. And now she buys herself a bunch of flowers every single week.
Sam Morris (12:06.958)
And she is actually dating so actually most weeks she also gets a separate set of flowers because her partner knows that she likes to receive flowers.
Sam Morris (12:25.208)
But her showing appreciation to herself started rewiring that nervous system, telling the nervous system that she is great, she is wonderful, she deserves it. And I do a similar thing. So on the anniversary of my epiphany, you know, the moment I decided I needed to change my life. And if you haven't heard my story, go and watch some of my other things, because this episode isn't.
the one that I'm gonna go through it. On my anniversary, I buy myself a gift of appreciation, a reminder that I chose to change my life.
Sam Morris (13:10.328)
that I chose to say no more to bad relationships, to people who didn't appreciate me and how much that has benefited not only me but my children, my family and all of the people that I get to work with. I buy myself a gift for that because I am grateful. I do appreciate the fact that it was hard and I did it.
Sam Morris (13:36.632)
So go do that for yourself. Go buy yourself the gift of getting a coach, doing a program. It's a gift.
because it will change your life. Okay, let's move on.
If you have realised that you are an auditory person, record yourself saying some nice things about yourself. Say thank you to yourself. Tell yourself out loud that you did a great job today. Go listen to a gratitude meditation. I've got a few in my Healing Haven program that are super effective and you will naturally feel great about yourself after listening.
Sam Morris (14:32.68)
Listen to the words, speak them out loud. You are grateful to yourself. You got through those things. And lastly, if you are kinesthetic, maybe go and give yourself a hug. Go have a salt bath, hold your own hand. You need to feel the love and gratitude from yourself to yourself because you don't need anyone else to do that for you.
Sam Morris (15:02.282)
All of these things are teaching you to not rely on someone else to keep your emotions in check. You've got the power to do that and this is just one small step. So what I'd like to invite you to do is go away from this episode, try giving yourself gratitude twice a day, keep your tick list, try it for a week.
and come back and tell me how much better you feel.
Sam Morris (15:35.83)
you can reach out on Instagram, I'm at the san morris sea or send me an email. I'll put it below in the show notes. Go away, do a week and tell me how you feel. And if you want to get some bonus points, start noticing how the people around you feel appreciated too and start doing mini appreciations for them.
This will start to build your relationship skills ready for when you do find healthy aligned love. Noticing the way other people feel and how they feel things is a skill that most people don't have. And once you have developed it, you will become a better person, a better friend, a better employee. The type of person that people say, I'm so grateful.
to have you in my life.
Sam Morris (16:45.046)
you start to become a magnet for amazing people. And if you have the skills of communicating your own needs as well, you will not only feel appreciated by yourself, but by others too.
Can you imagine your life filled with love and gratitude from everyone around you, where you wake up every single day grateful to yourself for putting in the work and grateful to your partner for being the one for you, grateful for the life that you've got.
Sam Morris (17:31.308)
and it all starts with you.
And if you can see that in your future.
Let's get you on that path.
My one-to-one slots were so popular that I have had to kind of move my diary around to offer a few more. And what you will get is six sessions focused on your inner belief systems, how they are shaping your dating life, the secret way to stop your nervous system from ruining your future relationships, discovering what your patterns are, how to break them.
and how to set your standards, mastering the intuition that you have always had and how to use it as well as your right brain to pick your partners.
Sam Morris (18:35.646)
we will look at what you want from a partner and how to get it and how to make sure you set your standards and boundaries so that people do not take advantage of you. This isn't just dating tips and hacks of how to meet more people, how to manipulate people, that really isn't my style in any way.
Sam Morris (19:08.152)
This is all about getting you ready to be in a healthy, aligned relationship. Plus, you'll get my Healing Haven program for free, where I have the simple tools to help you develop your intuition, help you heal from your past traumas, and how to manage your emotions. And I do that in like quick tools.
Sam Morris (19:35.904)
I don't believe that to heal and to manage your emotions you should have to sit for an hour meditating or half an hour journaling. The tools that I use are like three minutes long.
Sam Morris (19:52.642)
because I don't have time to sit and meditate for an hour, do breath work for an hour, and to be honest, you know, I find it quite boring. Like, it's okay in like 10 minute bursts, but that's it. So everything within the Healing Haven...
is
to guarantee you feel better quickly. That is my aim.
And because I am trauma-informed trained, all of these tools and these skills that you get in the Healing Haven are things that I have done with people who have been through some of the worst experiences. Things that if I told you, it would keep you awake at night.
Sam Morris (20:53.71)
So.
Sam Morris (20:57.568)
If you are ready, if you are ready for that shift to happen, if you are ready to find the love that you always dreamed of, then the link is in the show notes. I can't wait to see you and I cannot wait to see how you transform. If you forgot, I'm Sam Morris, I am your host and I will speak to you next week.
and I will speak to you soon.
