How to Process and Express the Pain from a Past Relationship (Without Losing Yourself in It)

So this weeks post is all about processing and expressing. And it comes mainly because of inspiration from my clients. This week for some reason a lot of my clients seem to be dealing with their past. And I thought it would be perfect to give you all a bit of an insight into how to make things slightly easier for you. 

When it hits you, it could be 2am or 3pm, the memory, the regret, the ache in your chest. And no matter how strong or ‘healed’ you thought you were, it still stings.
That sudden wave that catches you off guard. It's no different to grieving someone who died, except this person isn't dead. They just aren't in your life anymore. 

You’re not alone (I've felt it, my clients have felt it)—and you're definitely not weak for still feeling it. You're human.

And I want to be real with you for a minute: healing isn’t a straight line. It's layered, messy, and often inconvenient. But if you're here, you're ready to move through the pain instead of drowning in it. In this post, I’m going to walk you through what that actually looks like—no fluff, just real tools, real talk, and a gentle nudge toward your next chapter.

Suppressing pain never works

Everyone's done it, stay busy, throw yourself into work, fitness, crossword puzzles. Maybe posting how great you are on instagram, or even going and buying yourself something new, to show to yourself and the world, that you are OKAY.

The problem with this is:

What we don't feel, we store!

Deep inside ourselves. 

Unprocessed pain doesn't just disappear by magic, it camps out within your body, within your mind. And it starts to show up in everyday life through - anxiety, shutting down with people, trust issues or a little bit of resentment that shows up in every new connection (for reasons you cannot explain).

Avoiding pain doesn’t erase it. It just delays it.

So what actually helps? How do you process and express relationship pain without it swallowing you whole? (because that is a very real fear, most of my clients have.)

3 Powerful Ways to Process and Express Relationship Pain

1. Write it out - Just get it out of your head and onto paper. You can either free-write, which is just writing what comes up for you, or there is letters to your ex, your friend, your parents, whoever it is that hurt yo, even to yourself.                                                                                                       Try this prompt:“What I never got to say was…” Don’t worry about closure. This is for you. And if it helps, burn it or delete it after. Sometimes the release is in the ritual.
2. Speak it out - there is something really powerful about voicing the way you feel. About someone simply saying, “That makes sense. I get it.”

   Find your safe people - the people who will listen without judgement or passing it on, the ones who won't try to fix it, just be there for you. 

And if you don’t have that right now? Talk out loud to yourself. Voice notes. Car rides. Showers. It still counts.

Letting your story have sound helps it stop looping silently in your mind.

3. Get Support - Yes, venting helps—but healing goes deeper than that. Healing helps to create changes in your mind and body that will start to shift the way you act, the way you think about yourself and the people you allow into your life. 

A trained coach helps you unpack the root stuff: childhood wounds, attachment patterns, old beliefs. This isn’t just about the breakup—it’s about what it touched inside you.

You don’t have to do this alone.
Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is say, “I need help with this."

Like Lisa - 

Lisa was the person who always had it together. After her breakup, she journaled every morning for 30 days. The first few pages? Rage. Then grief. Then something softer: understanding.

She realised she wasn’t just grieving him—she was grieving the version of herself she thought she’d be by now. And that was what unlocked real healing.

or Like Jordan - 

Jordan used to be the joker, always cracking jokes about himself, his situation and everyone else. And then one day, he booked a discovery call with me and started to cry. 

That call turned into 12 weeks of 1-1's. And for the first time in a long time, he saw that feeling his pain didn’t make him a weak person—it made him a real person. And when he started being real with people around him, he started to attract people who wanted to know the real version of him, not just the mask he was putting on before. 

What happens when you actually feel the pain?

It's quite strange actually, when I went through this process, I was surprised to feel relief. I had been holding it together (or so I thought) for so long when actually I was miserable. 

When you feel into the pain:

You create a space. You start to build self-respect.
You stop mistaking chaos for chemistry.
You stop choosing people who feel like the pain you never processed.

It free's you to be who you were always supposed to be and meet who you were always supposed to meet. 

A Loving Nudge Forward

If you’re still reading this and nodding your head—this is your sign. It’s time.

You’re allowed to feel it. You're allowed to heal from it.
There's no timeline. With no judgment. 

A mantra for you to say out loud each morning:
“I am safe to feel. I am safe to heal.”

Speak to you next week.

Sam xx

Thesammorris.com

ps. If you know it's time to make changes and you need some support, you can book a call with me to talk through your options below.

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