She danced in the kitchen...

Hey,

In my last newsletter we talked about relationship trauma (if you haven't read that you can do here - When You Loved Someone So Much It Hurts – Understanding Relationship Trauma

And today I want to walk you through how to start feeling safe in your own body again — gently, slowly, and on your terms.

But first, let me tell you what's happened this week. 

The start of the week, I was ill! Can you believe it? I came down with some form of a cold, it wasn't fun and it's set me back in terms of my schedule, which is a bit annoying, but you know, I can only control what I can control and illness isn't something I can control. 

The fun part of this week was my daughters prom! Honestly, I cried so much. I try not to talk too much about my children out of respect for them, I am so proud of her though, not because she's beautiful but because she knows her own mind way more than I ever did at her age. 

She doesn't allow unacceptabl;e behaviour into her life and is very good at setting her boundaries. :)

Anyway, onto my newsletter. 

You know how I'm always banging on about nervous system disregulation, well...

I want to give you a few short tips that you can do to start moving forward in this process. 

1. Move Your Body, Mindfully - Walk. Stretch. Dance in your kitchen. Movement helps process stored trauma. Try syncing it with your breath. Feel the ground beneath your feet. This simply tell your body: we are safe now.

2. Don't Isolate (Even If It Feels Safer) Trauma will whisper to you: protect yourself at all costs.
   And healing says: let the right people in, one person at a time. So  it's time to:

   • Reconnect with a safe friend

   • Join a healing space (maybe mine, maybe not)

   • Let someone see the real you — even if it’s just a little.

3. Build Daily Safety Rituals

   • Light a candle before bed and sit with it for a while.

   • Say out loud: “I am safe now" and breath.

   • Declutter a space in your home — create order where you can.

4. Let Grief Move Through You - break -ups are grief, toxic relationships cause grief. And if you're going through this, just know you’re grieving more than a breakup. You’re grieving the future you imagined, the love you gave, the version of yourself who tried so hard and feels like it didn't work. Just let yourself feel it, trying to block it or push it doen will just wound your nervous system even more. 

5. Practice Tiny Acts of Self-Trust - write down what you trust about yourself. Can you trust yourself to leave if I feel disrespected? Or do you need support?
   Do you trust yourself to say no?
   These questions rebuild the foundation of safety — from within yourself.

   One More Step? Gratitude. And I know everyone talks about gratitude, I don;t mean the - "thank you for everything". I mean getting specific. This week I challenged all my clients (group and 1-1's) to say 3 things they are grateful for each morning and it could be as simple as "I'm grateful for this carpet." or "I'm grateful for running water". 
   When you start noticing the good in your life, you start to send signals to your nervous system that you are okay and then you start the ehaling process. 

And if you;re unsure if you are stuck in the nervous system dating trap, I made a little video about the 13 symptoms of this on youtube, watch that here.

That's it for this week. 

So tell me, what is one thing you are grateful for? Hit reply, I read every one. 

Sam xx